A Letter for Little People

Dear Future Adoptive Parents,

You don't know me, but I have a special message for you. I know you want to adopt a child. Maybe its because your parents did. Maybe its been your life dream. Maybe its because you can't have children of your own. But I have a reality check for you...

Children have feelings. Yes, that's right - feelings. You see, as you look through the websites and "shop" for a child, remember these children come with invisible baggage that you have to help them work through. Behind their smiling eyes are fears, anger, loneliness and even some hope. They so desperately need a home. They so desperately need a forever family. Even infants come with their own set of baggage that later will show up at your doorstep out of the blue. These children want to be connected to their past, no matter how horrible it was. Didn't YOU want to know where you came from? Didn't YOU want to try on your mom's old prom dress or see where YOUR dad was born? Well, so do adopted children.

So, when you find that "absolutely adorable" baby or child, that would just complete your family's circle of love, you better make sure its for forever. Because..THERE IS NO RETURN POLICY. This isn't Burger King. Its not "your way, right away". We aren't Macy's - there are no "store credits" or "partial refunds". You can't swap them out for another child because "they just don't fit" in your family.

So when you are thinking of adopting a child from China, Russia, Mexico or even the good old U.S of A...YOU CANNOT SEND THEM BACK!

Don't you realize that would only make it worse? What message are you sending? Do you think they will EVER trust another adoptive family when they say, "We will be your forever family" because guess what - didn't you say that to them too?!

Yes, I know this is all about you and what isn't working for you but if you can just imagine for one second of your life that the world does NOT revolve around you, maybe you would realize there is a "little person" who so desperately needs you. A "little person" YOU told would be part of your forever family. What are you going to tell them? That you were just joking?! That you changed your mind?! That "it's not you, it's me"?!

So, when your "honeymoon" is over with your adoptive child and they are telling you to "F" off or are smearing feces on the wall or are banging their head against the wall until they are bloody because they didn't get their way, what are you going to do? Wait -let me reword the question... What would you do if this child was your flesh and blood? Directly from the womb. Would you send them back to where they came from? Because I have to tell you, that would probably be really difficult to do....and probably not too comfortable.

In conclusion, adoptive parents, these "little people" DESERVE a home that YOU promised them. You are not a bad person. It's difficult. But there is help. Get counseling. Seek resources from your State. Join a support group. JUST DON'T GIVE UP. When these "little people" yell and scream and tell you they hate you, they really mean "Please don't leave me. I'm scared. I need to be loved. I need YOU."

And if all else fails, just remember... one day these little people will become big people just like you!

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Social Worker